The Darkness and The Light
This post is for a dear friend that is caught in the depths of deep depression. I’m hoping she will be able to find her way out of the darkness into the light.
The Darkness and The Light ∼ For those who have never really known depression, it’s akin to residing in darkness where form is barely visible, but depth and detail are not. You sense that there is light around you, but you can’t find your way to it, and the fear of falling further into that darkness paralyzes you from any movement at all. As the cold and dampness envelope you, you start finding an uneasy level of familiarity, then acceptance, and finally comfort. This must be where you belong, for certainly you would not be here otherwise. The thought, the deed, or the experience that brought you here, have made you unworthy for anything else. From a distance you hear the voices of your family and friends trying to tell you otherwise, but you know better, as would they, if they really knew the truth. You soon begin setting roots into the core of this place of solitude and despair, because the effort needed to remove yourself seems overwhelming.
There are times, you hear a few words that pierce the gloom to remind you of the world you left behind, and when you look for their origin, you find a match that for a few brief moments shines light into the darkness. The light brings warmth and sight, and you hold on tight until it burns itself out and you are once again surrounded by blackness. At some point, one of those matches illuminates the smallest amount of kindling material, which you carefully use to start a fire before the power of the match is gone. A hope stirs in your heart, which is at once both frightening and exciting, but you hesitate and forget to protect the small burgeoning flame from the unpredictable wind, and in an instant, it’s gone. But now your world has become even darker, for you were in the presence of the light that has once again been lost.
Time has no meaning in this place, and the hours and days pass without notice. There is no love, no hate, no laughter, and at some point, no tears, for you are being absorbed by the abyss. Your mind has lost the will to fight, for it sees no escape, and therefore no reason to try.
But when the mind retreats, the spirit awakens, for in it, lies our will to live, and it rails against the darkness. It desperately searches for the means to start and protect that little fire so that it can burn bright until the suns first rays arrive. As the flames leap and dance, what had just seemed flat and lifeless now shows it’s depth and dimension, and we begin to again see the beauty that surrounds us. The cold and dampness that had enshrouded us, is replaced with warmth, and the relief that comes from knowing the night is finally ending.
Soon the glow of the fire gives way to our new dawn, and the loving words of our friends and family can again be heard. We have found our way back to the light, and for a time, we see the true glory of the colors that are in Natures palette, we smell the rich aromas that come from this window or that garden, feel the light breezes that caress the skin, and hear the sweetness of the music that is life. Our senses seem reborn for we have been in darkness without them for far too long, and even though it almost overwhelms us, we pray that it never ends. We have survived. ∼
If you have a loved one that is suffering from depression, please do what you can to support them, and never give up hope.
The Darkness and The Light
Heather M Spencer
Mission Positive Film